David Rushing

901 North Houston Street

Shamrock, Texas 79079

(806) 256-3130

This here is my resumay:

WHY YOU SHULD HIGHER ME DAVID RUSHING:

1. I DAVID RUSHING HAVE LURNT WERD PERFICK 6.0, COMPUTOR AND SPREADSHEAT PROGROMS.

2. WHOLLY RESPONSABLE FOR TOW (2) FAILED FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS AT ONE I SPECIALIZED IN MAKING HI-DOLLER LONES TO PEOPLE WHO DID NOT OWN THE COLLATERALL

3. FAILED NUMEROUS EXAMS WITH RELATIVELY HI GRADES

4. IT IS BEST FOR EMPLOYERS THAT I NOT WERK WITH PEOPLE

5. LETS MEETS SO YOU CAN OOH AND AAH OVER MY EXPERIENCE AND SLICK PERSONALTY

6. YOU WILL WONT ME TO BE YUR HEAD HONCHO IN NO TIME

7. II DAVID RUSHING AM A PERFECSHUNIST AND RARELY IF EVER FERGIT DETAILS

8. I DAVID RUSHING WAS WERKING FOR MY MOM UNTIL SHE DICIDED TO MOVE AND DID NOT TELL ME WHERE

9. I DAVID RUSHING HAVE A EXSELLENT TRACK RECORD ALTHOUGH I AM NOT A HORSE

10. I DAVID RUSHING HAVE BECOME COMPLETELY PARANOID, TRUSTING COMPLETELY NO ONE AND ABSOLETLEY NUTHING

11. MY GOLE IS TO BE A METEOROLOGIST BUT SINCE I POSESS NO TRANING IN METEOROLOGY I SUPPOSE I SHOULD TRY MY HAND AT CIVIC FINANCES AND EKONOMIC DEVLOPMENT

12. PERSONAL INTRESTS: DONATING BLOOD SO FAR I'VE DONATED 14 GALLONS

13. INSTRUMENTAL IN RUINING ENTIRE OPERATION OF A LOCAL STORE

14. NOTE: PLEASE DON'T MISCONSTRUE MY 14 PREVIOUSLY FAILED JOBS AS JOB-HOPPING AS I HAVE NEVER QUIT A JOB

15. MARITAL STATUS: ONE WALRUS CHILDREN: SOME

16. REASON FOR LEAVING PAST JOB: DADDY HAD TO PAY OFF MONEY THAT VANISHED AND THEY INSISTED I BE AT WERK BY 8:45 EVERY DAY AND I COULDN'T WERK UNDER THOSE CUNDISHUNS

17. THE COMPANY MADE ME A SCAPEGOAT JUST LIKE MY PREVIOUS EMPLOYERS

18. FININISHED AIGHTH IN MY CLASS OF TEM

19. FININISHED THRID GRADE BY THE AGE OF 17

20. I DAVID RUSHING HAVE A DEEP KNOWLEDGE OF LIFE CAWSE OF MY EXPERIMENTS WITH MIND ALTERING DRUGS

21. REFERINCES: NUN. I"VE LEFT A PATH OF DESTRUCKSHUN BEHIND ME

I CUT AND PASTED THUH FOLLERIN INFERMAYSHUN FROM UTHER PLASES SO PLEESES XKUSE THUH BAD SPELLINNS.

MY THOTS ON ON THE WORLD:

1. If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

2. Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

3. Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

4. The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in  close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to  spin dangerously fast.

5. The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Boston Person (Bostonian) "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to  "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

HERE IS MY LOGIC ON JUSTICE:

Q: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 paid people who didn't see me steal it.

Notice:

This page is 100% political satire and is the first page on this site ever to take exception to the "everything is true" rule. But, if you will look closely (and you actually know David Rushing), you will very quickly realize that it most certainly falls into the "this would be true if David ever actually had to get a real job" category!

Yes, it's all in fun and it's also designed to give you a sample of the mentality with which we are forced to seek out reason which is an absolute impossibility when dealing with a two-year-old mentality that basically seems to think "If I can't have what I want, then no one can have it!".

Again, this is NOT an actual David Rushing resume but, were there to ever be one that was written without the aid of an educated person, this is (no doubt) what one would look like shortly after preparation. Please forgive the fact that we have not yet formatted the example IN ALL CAPS (as David seems to not know the purpose of the "shift key"). I promise to have this error corrected at the earliest possible time.

In the meantime, enjoy the David Rushing Resumay" and be thinking how you would regard a person who could possibly submit such a document for serious consideration and then realize that we have personally seen just such "literary skill" from Mr. Rushing on many numerous occasions.